Imposter Syndrome: The #1 Illness in the Writing Community

   Imposter Syndrome is an illness that can plague anyone but runs rampant in artists. It can strike at any time, no matter how experienced you are. It's been a long time since I've experienced imposter syndrome, but while working on In The Beginning I was hit with a new case of it for half a second.  

  When a writer experiences imposter syndrome, they don't feel adequate in their field. It makes you feel like a failure. Like you are an imposter, parading around in the world of literature. It's a mental affliction that can affect your emotional and physical health if you allow it to pull you under the dark waves of depression.

  Having anxiety means I experience mild bouts of imposter syndrome monthly, but it had been nearly a year since my last big one until I sat down to edit In the Begining. 

  I was at the kitchen table, looking through my editor's comments on the manuscript when I asked someone nearby if they were available to do a read-through with me some time that week. I like doing read-throughs because I can get the feel for how a reader will perceive my work. When I do them, the person helping me reads my manuscript aloud and I listen. 

  The person I was scheduling a read-through with was my mom. She's been my go-to for them since I was fourteen and has read almost everything I've written, excluding the fanfiction I wrote as a young adult. My dad was sitting nearby in his favorite chair when I asked her to read my most recent manuscript. 

  His face contorted and, puzzled, he said, "You're writing a book?"

  At first, I was worried and confused. I've been writing stories since I was old enough to hold a pencil and I've been published since 2016. He knows this. My parents have always been fairly interested in my life, so I answered slowly, "Yes. It is what I do."

  "She's writing a book about how to write a book," my mom explained to him. "Well, actually it's about how to publish a book."

  "It's a guide for writers," I added. 

  My dad's face grew even more concerned as he mumbled, "You're writing about writing?" 

  I didn't know what to say and the conversation dropped. For half a second I was irritated because I felt like he was implying that I wasn't qualified to write a guide for you all. Then I started thinking, maybe I'm not. Maybe this was a stupid idea. Maybe the last year I've spent working on this project has been a waste of time. 

  Then I got angry. I held my tongue, turned back to my computer, and glared at the screen. 300 comments from my editor glared back at me. I nearly slammed my laptop shut. 

  "Don't," the logical part of my brain reminded me. "There are 300 comments because both you and she recognize the importance of this book and are being extremely picky." 

  Then my anger dissipated. 

  The reason I chose Angelina Kerner to be the editor for this book was that she was the first person to make me feel validated in our author tribe. She's been an unspoken mentor to me. We started publishing around the same time and because of the creatures mentioned in our books we kind of just fell into the same community. 

  One day when we were talking, and this was a while ago (I'm talking maybe even years ago), she told me, "don't let them discourage you. You've been writing your whole life and have been published for years. You're an expert." 

  I don't feel like an expert, but I do know what I'm doing about 90% of the time. I know my weaknesses and my strengths. I know that I suck at formatting, but I'm great when it comes to utilizing purple prose (flowery language).

  My point is we all experience imposter syndrome. It's part of being a creative being, but just because you feel inadequate doesn't mean you are. You are not an imposter. 

  One of my favorite movies is Sister Act 2. In it, Sister Mary Clarence tells is trying to explain to one of her students that being a singer is what she was created for. She says, "Hey, do you know who the Ice Capades are? Don't roll your eyes. They were very cool. I went to my mother, who gave me this book...called Letters to a Young Poet. Rainer Maria Rilke. He's a fabulous writer. A fellow used to write to him and say: I want to be a writer. Please, read my stuff. and Rilke says to this guy" Don't ask me about being a writer. If when you wake up in the morning you can think of nothing but writing...then you're a writer. I'm gonna say the same thing to you. If you wake up in the morning and you can't think of anything but singing first, then you're supposed to be a singer, girl."

  Those words have stuck with me since my mom first showed me the movie. "If when you wake up in the morning you can think of nothing but writing...then you're a writer." Imposter syndrome is damned. If you write, you're a writer. There are no ifs, and, or buts about it.

  Don't let a single moment of doubt dull your passion. Doubting is what makes you human. It fuels you to try harder. It's okay to doubt, but you can't let it consume you.