Deflecting Arrows: Reading and Reviewing Romance When There is a Disconnection

 

       In the world of romantic literature, there is not a very good representation of individuals who do not feel sexual attraction as frequently (if at all) as others. Asexuals and demisexuals tend to get left out of the mix, but it's understandable in a genre that heavily focuses on sexual relationships. Romance is more than sex, though, and a good romance writer can reel in readers of all sexualities. 

    I don't talk about my sexuality often. I avoid the topic in order to avoid an argument. I despise confrontations. I don't hide it, though. There's no point. I've been this way for a long time and we could devel into why I think I'm this way, but we're not going to. That's a trauma I'm still working out for myself with meditation.

    Being demisexual means that I don't have romantic relationships in the same way others do. In order to feel a sexual attraction towards someone, I must first have an intense emotional bond with them, which is hard to form. A few of my past relationships have ended because the emotional bond turned too physical and it caused a disconnect between me and them. I don't like romantic physical contact. I'm okay with hugs and cuddling, but I don't like the rest of it. 

    You may be asking yourself how this relates to reading and reviewing. Well, it's February 8th. This means Valentine's Day is right around the corner and readers are consuming romance books like they are dying of thirst and romance is the last puddle of water on Earth. 

    I enjoy romance books. I read them all the time. My favorite book is a historical romance by Francene Rivers, Redeeming Love. However, I don't read romance for smut. I read it for the emotional connection. I like the idea that people can see someone and form an instant connection with them. I like that someone can care so much about another person's well-being that they would put themselves in harm's way in order to protect them. If written correctly, that connection can lead to a steamy bedroom scene that can make me wish I had a partner. If written wrong, I won't finish the book or I'll give it a crappy review. 

    If you follow my reviews on Instagram and Facebook, you've probably noticed that I'm harsher on romance books than any other genre. This is because even though I enjoy them, it is way harder for me to feel connected to them. If I read a romance book that's basically porn without a plot, there is no way it's getting above a two stars rating. If I read one that has a plot though, I won't give it below a three-star rating. It's all about the emotional connection for me. Which makes me insanely picky about the romance books I read.

    I've recently discovered an author named Pixie Chica who has the rare ability to write an 18+ romance with a plot that is under 100 pages long. I am devouring her books. I kid you not, I went through her Amazon page and bought half her books. They are so good. She's a rare jewel in the romance community. 

    I end up at a lot of romance book parties and fairs simply because romance is a flooded industry. It's a form of literature that thrives because it's all about human emotion, so authors and readers both flock to it like moths to lanterns. Sometimes I feel out of place at these events because A) I'm not a romance author, B) I'm not an 18+ author, and C) I don't care if there are shirtless guys on the book covers, I care about what's written on the back of the cover. I attend them though because some of my best friends are romance authors and I want to support them.

    I've had people ask me why I read a lot of LGBTQ+ books when I'm a straight girl. Why? Because for some reason the LGBTQ+ community is just better at writing romance. I've found more LGBTQ+ books that address real-life relationship issues than straight romance. That's my opinion on the matter. 

    While we're on the subject, Christian romances tend to put too much emphasis on spirituality for my liking. I'm spiritual. I believe in a creator and a divine hand that guides us, I put Christian elements in all of my writings, but I don't want a romance that refuses to address the physical aspect of a relationship just because it's a taboo subject in the religion. Francene Rivers is a Christian romance author and I recommend her books to all of you. 

    I try to put a spark of romance in everything I write. Matt has Gia in The Lives We Live series, Eliza has Xander, Demitri has Nara, and Ambrosia has Ares, but my favorite series to write is one that has a character who feels about romance the same way I do. Her name is Juliana, she's a primal mage from Morzania, and only feels physical attraction after experiencing an emotional bond. I don't outright say she's demisexual, because A) that term doesn't exist in her world and B) some people find terms like that to be frightening. Her series is one I'm using to explore big topics for teenagers who might feel uncomfortable discussing them with adults. So, there are a lot of terms I don't use just because I need to be showing what they are to my audience instead of telling what they are.

    Currently, I have challenged myself to read as many romance books as I can of varying age levels and genres until Valentine's Day. I've gone through my library and created a list of all my romance books, then I picked out the ones I really want to make it through before the 14th. It's all leading up to a massive review dump, but I'm hoping this will provide all of my readers with romance books they might relate to. My all-time favorite type of romance is young adult contemporary. They're so pure and still explore big topics. 

    The first few books I've read for this romance review rush have primarily been 18+, I think only one was a young adult level. Eventually, I should write a post for you all explaining why I post my reviews of 18+ books on my social pages and in my reader group when I write young adult fantasy. I've picked up a couple more young adult romance books today, though, to help even out the playing field. I haven't read any kid books about love, but I'm not making it a priority. Most of my readers are 14 and older. A few are younger, but they aren't even old enough to be on social media yet, so *shrug*.